Monday, January 30, 2006
Broken
I've decided that important posts, posts I don't want to get shuffled off by my other ramblings, will go here.
I am absolutely broken hearted.
I shouldn't be, I know. Sandy has treated me extremely poorly. After everything that's happened, after her betrayals....the day we broke up, she expressed a desire to be friends. Eventually, I said fine....under one condition. That she showed me, immediately, that she cared about it, that she wanted it.
Apparently this was SO horrible of me to ask that she allowed her new boyfriend to send me a nasty email through her account, and to answer her phone when I called to confront her on the subject. Two exchanges there helped me understand something important here. The first one was him expressing a desire to meet up and "settle" this. Since I'm in L.A., I informed him of the impracticality of this, and of my lack of caring enough to fly back to kick his ass.
The second exchange is this:
David: Look, she expressed a desire to remain friends with me.
Asshole: Well, it doesn't matter, because I won't allow it.
David: So....so it doesn't matter if SHE wants to be friends with me. YOU won't allow it.
Asshole: That's right.
David: You know what? Fine, whatever. If you two can be happy....fine. But if you hurt her, you'll have me to reckon with.
Asshole: Awwww, homie, you done fucked up.
David: Oh, have I?
Asshole: You've threatened me.
David: Sure, whatever. Look, if you don't fuck her over, there won't be a problem.
Asshole: Nah, man, you done fucked up. You'll see.
After this, something became clearer to me than it has ever been: Sandy has made a huge, huge mistake. This guy cannot even hold a candle to me.
You know what? Whatever. I have no desire to prove anything, to anyone. I'm just sick of all of this crap. I have gone to great lengths to remain friends with Sandy, despite the astonishment of my friends and family, who couldn't understand why I would even bother to be friends with someone who did what she did. For my efforts, I have received nothing but grief and pain.
Enough is enough. This is making me, despite my best efforts, absolutely miserable. This I cannot allow.
So I'm moving on.
Thus my heart breaks. But wounds heal with time, and from pain is forged strength.
I am absolutely broken hearted.
I shouldn't be, I know. Sandy has treated me extremely poorly. After everything that's happened, after her betrayals....the day we broke up, she expressed a desire to be friends. Eventually, I said fine....under one condition. That she showed me, immediately, that she cared about it, that she wanted it.
Apparently this was SO horrible of me to ask that she allowed her new boyfriend to send me a nasty email through her account, and to answer her phone when I called to confront her on the subject. Two exchanges there helped me understand something important here. The first one was him expressing a desire to meet up and "settle" this. Since I'm in L.A., I informed him of the impracticality of this, and of my lack of caring enough to fly back to kick his ass.
The second exchange is this:
David: Look, she expressed a desire to remain friends with me.
Asshole: Well, it doesn't matter, because I won't allow it.
David: So....so it doesn't matter if SHE wants to be friends with me. YOU won't allow it.
Asshole: That's right.
David: You know what? Fine, whatever. If you two can be happy....fine. But if you hurt her, you'll have me to reckon with.
Asshole: Awwww, homie, you done fucked up.
David: Oh, have I?
Asshole: You've threatened me.
David: Sure, whatever. Look, if you don't fuck her over, there won't be a problem.
Asshole: Nah, man, you done fucked up. You'll see.
After this, something became clearer to me than it has ever been: Sandy has made a huge, huge mistake. This guy cannot even hold a candle to me.
You know what? Whatever. I have no desire to prove anything, to anyone. I'm just sick of all of this crap. I have gone to great lengths to remain friends with Sandy, despite the astonishment of my friends and family, who couldn't understand why I would even bother to be friends with someone who did what she did. For my efforts, I have received nothing but grief and pain.
Enough is enough. This is making me, despite my best efforts, absolutely miserable. This I cannot allow.
So I'm moving on.
Thus my heart breaks. But wounds heal with time, and from pain is forged strength.
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